{"id":37655,"date":"2016-07-08T13:36:58","date_gmt":"2016-07-08T20:36:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dev.mainelyseo.com\/cdi-upgrade\/?p=37655"},"modified":"2021-06-26T10:08:24","modified_gmt":"2021-06-26T17:08:24","slug":"how-to-talk-to-a-teenager","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/childdevelopmentinfo.com\/parenting\/how-to-talk-to-a-teenager\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Talk to a Teenager"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"How <\/picture><\/p>\n

Parents often feel an insurmountable communications barrier is developing between themselves and their teens. There\u2019s frequently an inclination to ignore it and put it down to \u2018just a phase\u2019 the teenager is going through. Alternatively, some parents in sheer desperation tackle such issues head on, in what can appear to the teenager to be a confrontational or accusatory approach.<\/p>\n

The fact is that many parents feel undermined and threatened when teens fall inexplicably silent; it signifies a loss of control over their child, and a beginning to going separate ways. When a teen isn\u2019t sharing what\u2019s going on in his or her world anymore, parents feel shut out. Beyond this, however, the suspicious parent often believes the insular teen must have something to hide.<\/p>\n

However, it should be remembered that many teens themselves are struggling inwardly too; it\u2019s not often about deliberately alienating parents and elders, or concealing something. Your teens are probably trying to work out who they are and how they fit into peers, the family and society as a whole.<\/p>\n

Talking to teens in a gentle manner and via methods they understand, should help.<\/p>\n

Try New Methods<\/strong>
\nHow do teenagers communicate with each other much of the time? They often elect to use social networking sites — especially Facebook — even if their friend is readily accessible for a real, face-to-face conversation. Texting, too, is popular; teens text each other even when sitting next to each other in class or standing several feet away in the school yard. They text when they\u2019ve only just said goodbye at day end.<\/p>\n

It may all seem unfathomable to adults, but if your teens feel most at ease communicating in these ways then don\u2019t be afraid to join in. Don\u2019t go over the top and try to use \u2018text speak\u2019 as that won\u2019t seem at all impressive from \u2018someone of your age\u2019, but the mere fact that you recognize your teen\u2019s preferred means of communication may open up a route to discussion. Once the ice is broken you can suggest continuing face-to-face.<\/p>\n

If messaging on Facebook, make sure you use the \u2018send a message\u2019 function and don\u2019t post your comments to their Wall, where all their friends can see. That would mean total embarrassment and render matters far worse even if what you\u2019ve written is entirely innocuous! No self-respecting teen wants to be seen engaging in Facebook chat with a parent.<\/p>\n

Make Time<\/strong><\/p>\n

There are probably times when your teenager comes and says something to you and either you don\u2019t really listen or just pay \u2018lip service\u2019 to the comment. Perhaps you say you haven\u2019t time right now. As challenging as it is, make time. It is so rare for teens to proactively approach parents, that when this step is taken it is something to be respected, whatever the subject matter; it may be a trivial issue or just general chat, but it\u2019s opening the door for further talks when things do need to be discussed.<\/p>\n

At the end of a more \u2018meaningful\u2019 chat always ask whether there\u2019s anything else your teenager would like to talk about and — even if they seem embarrassed — reiterate that you\u2019re always available to talk to on any topic and that you enjoy these opportunities for frank talks.<\/p>\n

Create Connecting Opportunities<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s very difficult to connect with a teenager when they can quickly \u2018escape\u2019 from you by going out to friends or off to their room. If you need to have talking time or just a little opportunity to be with your teenager to improve the parent-child connection, try thinking of a way to get them on their own without being overt.<\/p>\n

Many parents make the mistake of focusing too much attention on the teen by suggesting a day out together to somewhere the teenager would like to go, or a shopping trip to buy him new clothes. Unfortunately teens at that \u2018awkward\u2019 stage may just feel patronized by these generous gestures or your attention, and retort that they don\u2019t need your help.<\/p>\n

Try reversing the situation by saying you need their help, perhaps to choose a new set of clothes, or to undertake a chore you\u2019ve been putting off because it\u2019s emotionally difficult for you. Or, open up to them about something you\u2019d like an opinion on. This can work because it conveys that you see your teen as an adult with opinions that you value and an ability to make contributions to your daily life; this may be quite a new experience for both of you.<\/p>\n

Recognize Their Anger<\/strong><\/p>\n

If a teen is angry or upset, always take it seriously. Belittling a teen in front of other family members or the other parent, or making light of the matter by joking is a no-no and will only inflame an already difficult situation; nobody likes being ridiculed and there will be times when even our own anxieties seem silly to another adult so it\u2019s no different with teens. If a teen is upset enough to be hurt or angry, it is a real issue for the teen at this time.<\/p>\n

Recognizing and acknowledging anger is not about apportioning or accepting blame. It\u2019s enough to say \u2018I\u2019m so sorry you feel like this\u2019 and \u2018what can I do to help?\u2019<\/p>\n

You Can\u2019t Always Be Liked<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s inevitable that teens won\u2019t always like their parents or rather — they won\u2019t always like their parents\u2019 instructions — which can lead teens to say \u2018I don\u2019t like you.\u2019<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t take this to heart; there are also bound to be times when you don\u2019t much like your teens\u2019 behavior either, and how does that make you feel towards them? Do you ever feel you don\u2019t like your teen very much even though it\u2019s their behavior you really cannot accept? It\u2019s understandable to say regrettable things in the heat of a moment; when angry, teens simply vocalize more those feelings that adults learn to hold back.<\/p>\n

Being a parent isn\u2019t about always being liked. It\u2019s about instilling the right ethics, values and behavior even if you need to sometimes be strict to achieve it, and in this way you might not be liked but you will be respected.<\/p>\n

Suggested Resources for You<\/div>
\n

\"The <\/picture><\/a>The Teenage Brain: A Neuroscientist’s Survival Guide to Raising Adolescents and Young Adults<\/a>\"\"<\/em>\u00a0 Drawing on her research knowledge and clinical experience, internationally respected neurologist\u2014and mother of two boys\u2014Frances E. Jensen, M.D., offers a revolutionary look at the science of the adolescent brain, providing remarkable insights that translate into practical advice for both parents and teenagers. \u00a0\"amazon-button\" <\/picture><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

\"Parenting <\/picture>Parenting Teenagers: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting of Teens<\/a>\"\"<\/em>\u00a0 By Don Dinkmeyer Sr. PhD, Gary McKay PhD, Joyce L. McKay, Don Dinkmeyer Jr.\u00a0 Parents know the challenges of raising teenagers. This popular STEP (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting) guide is filled with easy-to-understand-and-apply skills that helps parents connect with teens and deal with their “issues.” From the STEP\/teen program, with practical guidance on social pressure, dating, grades, career plans, and alcohol, tobacco, and drug abuse prevention. This handbook is an excellent choice for parents who want to improve their relationship with teens. \u00a0\"amazon-button\" <\/picture><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Parents often feel an insurmountable communications barrier is developing between themselves and their teens. There\u2019s frequently an inclination to ignore it and put it down 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There\u2019s frequently an inclination to ignore it and put it down […]","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/childdevelopmentinfo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37655","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/childdevelopmentinfo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/childdevelopmentinfo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childdevelopmentinfo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childdevelopmentinfo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37655"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/childdevelopmentinfo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37655\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":49261,"href":"https:\/\/childdevelopmentinfo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37655\/revisions\/49261"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childdevelopmentinfo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/49262"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/childdevelopmentinfo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37655"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childdevelopmentinfo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=37655"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childdevelopmentinfo.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37655"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}