{"id":38844,"date":"2017-05-16T08:42:07","date_gmt":"2017-05-16T15:42:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dev.mainelyseo.com\/cdi-upgrade\/?p=38844"},"modified":"2019-07-23T16:49:02","modified_gmt":"2019-07-23T23:49:02","slug":"jade-an-easy-mnemonic-for-difficult-family-members","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/childdevelopmentinfo.com\/family-building\/jade-an-easy-mnemonic-for-difficult-family-members\/","title":{"rendered":"JADE: An Easy Mnemonic for Difficult Family Members"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"JADE- <\/picture><\/p>\n

Setting firm boundaries with your relatives is hard. Whether you love them too much to say no or loathe how quickly they get under your skin, there\u2019s something about family that makes it difficult to stand up for yourself. It doesn\u2019t have to be that way.\u00a0By using the JADE mnemonic, you can avoid conversational minefields and eliminate shouting matches at the dinner table<\/a>. Use JADE to remember that you never have to Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain with a relative, and you\u2019ll be on your way to a more peaceful existence with your family.<\/p>\n

No Justifications Necessary<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re tired of getting the third degree every time you visit home, it\u2019s time to start using the first step in the JADE method. Don\u2019t justify anything. You don\u2019t need to explain why you chose that college major, pierced your nose, or accepted a job your family doesn\u2019t like. As an adult, you can make whatever choices are best for you. When your motivations are questioned, make it clear that you\u2019re not putting up with an inquisition. A firm but polite \u201cI wanted to do so.\u201d or \u201cI felt it was the best choice for me.\u201d tells your family that you\u2019re not open to an extended review of your decisions.<\/p>\n

Avoiding Arguments<\/p>\n

When your relatives start sucking you into an argument, it can be challenging to resist. That\u2019s understandable.\u00a0Keep firm and remember that family arguments<\/a> don’t lead anywhere positive. It\u2019s okay to say, \u201cI don\u2019t want to argue with you.\u201d or \u201cLet\u2019s agree to disagree on this.\u201d If you want to lay on the guilt, ask your relative, \u201cWhy are you picking a fight with me?\u201d You\u2019ll make your point, but be prepared for pushback.<\/p>\n

Don’t Go on the Defensive<\/p>\n

A clever way for mean-spirited relatives to control a conversation is by forcing you to defend yourself and your decisions. This is a more sophisticated way of picking an argument. When you present a logical reason for your actions, you\u2019re only giving your family new angles of attack. Don\u2019t help out your vicious family members. Tell them \u201cI don\u2019t want to talk about this.\u201d or \u201cLet’s talk about something else.\u201d If possible, suggest a specific and neutral topic of conversation like your relative\u2019s children or favorite hobby.<\/p>\n

You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself<\/p>\n

Family members can make you feel small and juvenile just by asking you for an explanation. Questions such as, \u201cHow can you think that?\u201d or \u201cWhat in the world makes you believe that?\u201d are not going to lead to anything positive. Rather than continuing the negativity by trying to explain yourself, refuse to engage. Say something like, \u201cLet\u2019s change the subject.\u201d or \u201cWe have strong opinions on this. Let\u2019s pick a more neutral topic.\u201d can help you avoid these conversational traps.<\/p>\n

In a functional family, you will rarely have to use any of these suggestions. If you find yourself using JADE techniques on a regular basis, then you are not the problem. Remember that family time should be about love, acceptance, and togetherness, not criticisms and nit-picking. It is always appropriate for you to deflect rude questions, change the topic of conversation, or refuse to discuss negative subjects. With JADE, you can remember four ways to de-escalate negative interactions and make family time happier.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Setting firm boundaries with your relatives is hard. 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