{"id":6964,"date":"2011-09-25T04:10:01","date_gmt":"2011-09-25T11:10:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/parentingtoday.com\/anew\/?page_id=6964"},"modified":"2019-07-23T16:44:00","modified_gmt":"2019-07-23T23:44:00","slug":"have-a-happy-marriage","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/childdevelopmentinfo.com\/family-living\/have-a-happy-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Have a Happy Marriage When You\u2019re Busy Being Parents"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Elizabeth Pantley<\/strong>
\nAuthor of Kid Cooperation,\u00a0Perfect Parenting and Hidden Messages<\/strong><\/p>\n

Is your marriage everything you ever hoped it could be? Or has it been pushed down your list of priorities since having children? Let\u2019s face it, parenthood is a full-time job, and it dramatically changes your marriage relationship. But marriage is the foundation upon which your entire family is structured. If your marriage is strong, your whole family will be strong; your life will be more peaceful, you\u2019ll be a better parent, and you\u2019ll, quite simply, have more fun in your life.<\/p>\n

Make a commitment<\/h4>\n

To create or maintain a strong marriage you will have to take the first critical step: You must be willing to put time, effort and thought into nurturing your marriage. <\/em>The ideas that follow will help you follow through on this commitment and will put new life and meaning into your marriage. A wonderful thing may happen. You may fall in love with your spouse all over again. In addition, your children will greatly benefit from your stronger relationship. Children feel secure when they know that Mom and Dad love each other\u2014particularly in today\u2019s world, where 50 percent of marriages end in divorce; half of your children\u2019s friends have gone, or are going through a divorce; or maybe it\u2019s your kids who have survived a divorce and are now living in a new family arrangement.\u00a0 Your children need daily proof that their family life is stable and predictable. When you make a commitment to your marriage, your children will feel the difference. No, they won\u2019t suffer from neglect! They\u2019ll blossom when your marriage\u2014and their homelife\u2014is thriving.<\/p>\n

The surprising secret is that this doesn\u2019t have to take any extra time in your already busy schedule. Just a change in attitude plus a committed focus can yield a stronger, happier marriage.<\/p>\n

So here\u2019s my challenge to you. Read the following suggestions and apply them in your marriage for the next 30 days. Then evaluate your marriage. I guarantee you\u2019ll both be happier.<\/p>\n

Look for the good, overlook the bad<\/h4>\n

You married this person for many good reasons. Your partner has many wonderful qualities. Your first step in adding sizzle to your marriage is to look for the good and overlook the bad.<\/p>\n

Make it a habit to ignore the little annoying things \u2014 dirty socks on the floor, a day-old coffee cup on the counter, worn out flannel pajamas, an inelegant burp at the dinner table \u2014 and choose instead to search for those things that make you smile: the way he rolls on the floor with the baby; the fact that she made your favorite cookies, the peace in knowing someone so well that you can <\/em>wear your worn out flannels or burp at the table.<\/p>\n

Give two compliments every day<\/h4>\n

Now that you\u2019ve committed to seeing the good in your partner, it\u2019s time to say it! This is a golden key to your mate\u2019s heart. Our world is so full of negative input, and we so rarely get compliments from other people. When we do get a compliment, it not only makes us feel great about ourselves, it actually makes us feel great about the person giving the compliment! Think about it! When your honey says, \u201cYou\u2019re the best. I\u2019m so glad I married you.\u201d It not only makes you feel loved, it makes you feel more loving.<\/p>\n

Compliments are easy to give, take such a little bit of time, and they\u2019re free. Compliments are powerful; you just have to make the effort to say them. Anything works: \u201cDinner was great, you make my favorite sauce.\u201d \u201cThanks for picking up the cleaning. It was very thoughtful, you saved me a trip.\u201d \u201cThat sweater looks great on you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Play nice<\/h4>\n

That may sound funny to you, but think about it. How many times do you see — or experience — partners treating each other in impolite, harsh ways that they\u2019d never even treat a friend? Sometimes we take our partners for granted and unintentionally display rudeness. As the saying goes, if you have a choice between being right and being nice, just choose to be nice. Or to put this in the wise words of Bambi\u2019s friend Thumper, the bunny rabbit \u2013 \u201cIf you can\u2019t say somethin\u2019 nice don\u2019t say nothin\u2019 at all.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pick your battles<\/h4>\n

How often have you heard this advice about parenting? This is great advice for child-rearing\u2014and it\u2019s great advice to follow in your marriage as well. In any human relationship there will be disagreement and conflict. The key here is to decide which issues are worth pursuing and which are better off ignored. By doing this, you\u2019ll find much less negative energy between you.<\/p>\n

From now on, anytime you feel annoyed, take a minute to examine the issue at hand, and ask yourself a few questions. \u201cHow important is this?\u201d \u201cIs this worth picking a fight over?\u201d \u201cWhat would be the benefit of choosing this battle versus letting it go?\u201d<\/p>\n

The 60 second cuddle<\/h4>\n

You can often identify a newly married couple just by how much they touch each other \u2014 holding hands, sitting close, touching arms, kissing \u2014 just as you can spot an \u201coldly-married\u201d couple by how little they touch. Mothers, in particular, often have less need for physical contact with their partners because their babies and young children provide so much opportunity for touch and cuddling that day\u2019s end finds them \u201ctouched fulfilled\u201d.<\/p>\n

So here\u2019s a simple reminder: make the effort to touch your spouse more often. A pat, a hug, a kiss, a shoulder massage \u2013 the good feeling it produces for both of you far outweighs the effort.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the deal: Whenever you\u2019ve been apart make it a rule that you will take just 60 seconds to cuddle, touch and connect. This can be addictive! If you follow this advice soon you\u2019ll find yourselves touching each other more often, and increasing the romantic aspect of your relationship.<\/p>\n

Spend more time talking to and listening to your partner.<\/h3>\n

I don\u2019t mean, \u201cRemember to pick up Jimmy\u2019s soccer uniform.\u201d Or \u201cI have a PTA meeting tonight.\u201d Rather, get into the habit of sharing your thoughts about what you read in the paper, what you watch on TV, your hopes, your dreams, your concerns. Take a special interest in those things that your spouse is interested in and ask questions. And then listen to the answers.<\/p>\n

Spend time with your spouse<\/h3>\n

It can be very difficult for your marriage to thrive if you spend all your time being \u201cMommy\u201d and \u201cDaddy\u201d. You need to spend regular time as \u201cHusband\u201d and \u201cWife\u201d. This doesn\u2019t mean you have to take a two-week vacation in Hawaii. (Although that might be nice, too!) Just take small daily snippets of time when you can enjoy uninterrupted conversation, or even just quiet companionship, without a baby on your hip, a child tugging your shirtsleeve or a teenager begging for the car keys. A daily morning walk around the block or a shared cup of tea after all the children are in bed might work wonders to re-connect you to each other. And yes, it\u2019s quite fine to talk about your children when you\u2019re spending your time together, because, after all, your children are one of the most important connections you have in your relationship.<\/p>\n

When you and your spouse regularly connect in a way that nurtures your relationship, you may find a renewed love between you, as well as a refreshed vigor that will allow you to be a better, more loving parent. You owe it to yourself \u2014 and to your kids \u2014 to nurture your relationship.<\/p>\n

So take my challenge and use these ideas for the next 30 days. And watch your marriage take on a whole new glow.<\/p>\n

Parts of this article are excerpted with permission from books by Elizabeth Pantley:<\/p>\n

Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate<\/a>
\nNew Harbinger Publications, Inc. and by McGraw-Hill\/Contemporary<\/p>\n

Website:\u00a0 https:\/\/www.pantley.com\/elizabeth<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Is your marriage everything you ever hoped it could be? Or has it been pushed down your list of priorities since having children? Let\u2019s face it, parenthood is a full-time job, and it dramatically changes your marriage relationship. But marriage is the foundation upon which your entire family is structured. If your marriage is strong, your whole family will be strong; your life will be more peaceful, you\u2019ll be a better parent, and you\u2019ll, quite simply, have more fun in your life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":24817,"menu_order":20,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center 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