{"id":6971,"date":"2011-09-25T04:10:19","date_gmt":"2011-09-25T11:10:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/parentingtoday.com\/anew\/?page_id=6971"},"modified":"2024-05-27T13:04:51","modified_gmt":"2024-05-27T20:04:51","slug":"unwanted-parenting-advice","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/childdevelopmentinfo.com\/ages-stages\/baby-infant-development-parenting\/unwanted-parenting-advice\/","title":{"rendered":"Handling Unwanted Parenting Advice: A Guide For New Parents"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Elizabeth Pantley<\/strong>
\nAuthor of Gentle Baby Care<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>\u201cHelp! I\u2019m getting so frustrated with the endless stream of advice I get from my mother-in-law and brother! No matter what I do, I\u2019m doing it wrong. I love them both, but how do I get them to stop dispensing all this unwanted advice?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Just as your baby is an important part of your life, he is also important to others. People who care about your baby are bonded to you and your child in a special way that invites their counsel. Knowing this may give you a reason to handle the interference gently, in a way that leaves everyone\u2019s feelings intact.<\/p>\n

RELATED: Download Our Ages & Stages Chart: Birth to 5 Years Old<\/a><\/p>\n

Regardless of the advice, it is your <\/em>baby, and in the end, you will raise your child the way that you think best. So it\u2019s rarely worth creating a war over a well-meaning person\u2019s comments. You can respond to unwanted advice in a variety of ways:<\/p>\n

Listen first \u00a0<\/strong>It\u2019s natural to be defensive if you feel that someone is judging you; but chances are you are not being criticized; rather, the other person is sharing what they feel to be valuable insight. Try to listen – you may just learn something valuable.<\/p>\n

Disregard \u00a0<\/strong>If you know that there is no convincing the other person to change her mind, simply smile, nod, and make a non-committal response, such as, \u201cInteresting!\u201d Then go about your own business…your way.<\/p>\n

Agree \u00a0<\/strong>You might find one part of the advice that you agree with. If you can, provide wholehearted agreement on that topic.<\/p>\n

Pick your battles \u00a0<\/strong>If your mother-in-law insists that Baby wear a hat on your walk to the park, go ahead and pop one on his head. This won\u2019t have any long-term effects except that of placating her. However, don\u2019t capitulate on issues that are important to you or the health or well-being of your child.<\/p>\n

Steer clear of the topic \u00a0<\/strong>If your brother is pressuring you to let your baby cry to sleep, but you would never do that, then don\u2019t complain to him about your baby getting you up five times the night before. If he<\/em> brings up the topic, then distraction is definitely in order, such as, \u201cWould you like a cup of coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n

Educate yourself \u00a0<\/strong>Knowledge is power; protect yourself and your sanity by reading up on your parenting choices. Rely on the confidence that you are doing your best for your baby.<\/p>\n

Educate the other person \u00a0<\/strong>If your \u201cteacher\u201d is imparting information that you know to be outdated or wrong, share what you\u2019ve learned on the topic. You may be able to open the other person\u2019s mind. Refer to a study, book, or report that you have read.<\/p>\n

Quote a doctor \u00a0<\/strong>Many people accept a point of view if a professional has validated it. If your own pediatrician agrees with your position, say, \u201cMy doctor said to wait until she\u2019s at least six months before starting solids.\u201d If your own <\/em>doctor doesn\u2019t back your view on that issue, then refer to another doctor – perhaps the author of a baby care book.<\/p>\n

Be vague \u00a0<\/strong>You can avoid confrontation with an elusive response. For example, if your sister asks if you\u2019ve started potty training yet (but you are many months away from even starting the process), you can answer with, \u201cWe\u2019re moving in that direction.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ask <\/em><\/strong>for advice! \u00a0<\/strong>Your friendly counselor is possibly an expert on a few issues that you can agree on. Search out these points and invite guidance. She\u2019ll be happy that she is helping you, and you\u2019ll be happy you have a way to avoid a showdown about topics that you don\u2019t<\/em> agree on.<\/p>\n

Memorize a standard response \u00a0<\/strong>Here\u2019s a comment that can be said in response to almost any piece of advice: \u201cThis may not be the right way for you, but it\u2019s the right way for me<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Be honest \u00a0<\/strong>Try being honest about your feelings. Pick a time free of distractions and choose your words carefully, such as, \u201cI know how much you love Harry, and I\u2019m glad you spend so much time with him. I know you think you\u2019re helping me when you give me advice about this, but I\u2019m comfortable with my own approach, and I\u2019d really appreciate if you\u2019d understand that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Find a mediator \u00a0<\/strong>If the situation is putting a strain on your relationship with the advice-giver, you may want to ask another person to step in for you.<\/p>\n

Search out like-minded friends \u00a0<\/strong>Join a support group or on-line club with people who share your parenting philosophies. Talking with others who are raising their babies in a way that is similar to your own can give you the strength to face people who don\u2019t understand your viewpoints.<\/p>\n

This article is an excerpt from Gentle Baby Care <\/em><\/strong>by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)<\/p>\n

RELATED: Download Our Ages & Stages Chart: Birth to 5 Years Old<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cHelp! I\u2019m getting so frustrated with the endless stream of advice I get from my mother-in-law and brother! No matter what I do, I\u2019m doing it wrong. I love them both, but how do I get them to stop dispensing all this unwanted advice?\u201d Just as your baby is an important part of your life, he is also important to others. People who care about your baby are bonded to you and your child in a special way that invites their counsel. Knowing this may give you a reason to handle the interference gently, in a way that leaves everyone\u2019s feelings intact. Regardless of the advice, it is your baby, and in the end, you will raise your child the way that you think best. So it\u2019s rarely worth creating a war over a well-meaning person\u2019s comments. You can respond to unwanted advice in a variety of ways:<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":7210,"menu_order":47,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center 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